Found On: A Scandal In Bohemia .. Bloody Nonsense .. Draining The Glass 1982 - 86 .. Glorious And Idiotic .. Cake City

A Scandal In Bohemia

See, there's been some big, big things, and some are bigger than others,
And when one might get up and go out of the room, he gets replaced with another.
Now some of these are monsters, the kind that live in the lakes (WHEURRRR!)
And other kinds are like Metal Men, and other kinds are BIG SNAKES.
But they don't look like nothing, they don't look like nothing at all.
They don't look like nothing when you put them up against Caroline Wheeler's Birthday Present.
That's: CAROLINE WHEELER'S BIRTHDAY PRESENT.
Did ya get that, Joe? (CRAZY!) ESTER, I'M WAITING...
Ner! Ner! Ner!
SAUSAGES! Caroline Wheeler's Birthday Present was made entirely from the skins of dead Jim Morrisons (Scattered over dawn's bleeding highway, I suppose...): that's why it smelled so bad.
Caroline Wheeler checked into the lobby of the Bruce Grobelaar Leisure Centre
( Liverpool and Zimbabwe goalkeeper of the 1980's )
(they check in, but they don't check out) - she was looking for a room where she could sit down and get herself back in order (ORDER!)...
SHEESH!, thought Caroline, What the HELL was that? (Edgar Wallace!)
So she goes to the elevator, she thinks "Well, that'll be pretty straightforward" (Yes, STRAIGHT UP, Caroline...) You know what she finds?
The elevator breaks down with Caroline and the fish in it.
(Fish?) (Uh-oh...)
Do you know what happens if you leave a fish too long in an elevator?
You don't? (Uncontrollable Celtic whooping from Jones)
Well, here's a clue: fish is biodegradable. (THAT MEANS IT ROTS.)
Ner! Ner! Ner!

Well, there's some big, big things and they travel in big, big cars:
Cars like a Mercedes with a big tow-bar (WHERE'S ESTER?)
But there ain't no vehicle big enough,
They just ain't built the vehicle big enough yet to hold the thing that men call Caroline Wheeler's Birthday Present (caroline wheeler's birthday present)
That's: CAROLINE WHEELER'S BIRTHDAY PRESENT.
(Heck! Here comes the hell drivers!)
(Vroom!)
(OUCH!)

Visitors' recent comments for this page [Read all 11 comments] [Add your own]

birthday present patrice23lala... patidifusa 16Oct2010 5:20 PM (1 year 113 days ago) my belief has always been that this song was a boyfriend's revenge in the form of a song and he considered her birthday present as the physical space where life begins in the human body... only more vulgar as he'd learned she'd been with a number of others so he assumed it had grown large....

what was it thou? k_gall... Kenny Gall 12Feb2010 1:24 PM (1 year 359 days ago) I have wondered now for over 20 years.. WHAT did she get exactly, for her birthday?

so, Caroline... barrettwilke... pbchicken Seattle, WA 15Jun2006 11:36 AM (5 years 237 days ago) ..when is your birthday, so we know when to throw a bash?

So...what was Caroline Wheeler's birthday present? Dave Flannelette... Echo Park 28Sep2005 11:32 PM (6 years 132 days ago) Was there ever one? if so what was it?

caroline you... 4Jun2005 8:13 AM (6 years 248 days ago) Most carolines are nice except caroline wheeler from offaly!!lol lizzie x x x